I want to have confidence. Well, it’s not that I don’t, because I do have confidence in things I do, but most of the time its coming from other people who tell me I can do it. I just don’t want to rely on other people to compliment me and shit ‘cause I know people aren’t always gonna be there to keep pushing me along, telling me that I can do things, when I know if it weren’t for their words.. I wouldn’t have been so well off. I just want to have confidence in myself. It’s so difficult.
I hate puberty. It sucks cause I miss being a little kid. I don’t want to grow up I want to stay young where love didn’t have to be so physical with an exception of smiles. I miss the drama free, gossip free, drug free atmosphere. I really miss being a kid. I miss all the other kids I was friends with because I don’t know where they are now.. I just wonder. I miss being unemotional where I never gave a fuck if someone was hurt or not. I miss getting away with things and getting E’s and G’s. I miss the un-negativity.
All the time now, I act like I don’t care when in actuality I DO care. I don’t want people to know me. You know what I mean? Its like when you do let people know you they take advantage of it. I hate highschool, people just want to put you down all the fucking time.
I don’t believe in holding no expectations. Yes, when you have them, you will be disappointed once in a while or maybe a lot. But if you don’t hold any, how do you expect results. There is a point where you need to have things established in order to keep things working. It’s not about not getting let down or having no expectations. It’s just about having reasonable expectations that both sides can understand and agree on. When you expect nothing, most likely you will get nothing. And to me, getting hurt and feeling something will always be greater than feeling nothing at all.